34 weeks!

Seems huge. Like I've said, I don't know why but even number weeks seem so big. I am 2 weeks from the big 36 weeks and when I've told baby girl she is allowed to come if she wants. Ok, that can't happen. I can't be a mom in 2 weeks! I can't even imagine being a mom in 6 weeks! I was just thinking this morning that I can't imagine being at/around my due date. I see her coming early but I also see her coming late, so late. She is STUBBORN! so late I definitely could see. But she's also already causing issues so maybe she's anxious as well to come. Saturday all of a sudden her weight hit my pelvis like a freight train. The muscles were SO sore & walking was uncomfortable and even got painful. Very Very Painful! Walking has actually been difficult at times. I thought maybe I strained the muscles when we walked or something because while I understand it's my 3rd trimester & I have a nearly 5 lb baby in there it seemed way too sudden & harsh. I may've been right. The muscles still hurt but when I wake up I'm not wanting to cry in the corner & actually I didn't have pain getting out of bed. The pain, discomfort, & difficulty walking will come back through the day and by night I'll be waddling but oh well. :) That IS pregnancy! Speaking of which I got the good ol' "you wanted this" & even "you knew what to expect" from the hubby. While I knew it'd take a toll on my body & that my back, hips, & pelvis would hurt.....I had NO idea! :) Hubby is SO excited about her though. He also said "I can't wait to see her" which was a 'holy moly' slap in the face. You mean this baby isn't my imagination? She's real & others know about her?! Really?! I don't know why my husband acknowledging that she's coming soon kinda made me take a step back or realize 'um, yeah, she's coming' but it did. Mike use to get mad at me when I'd aggravate her to make her kick me. I am paranoid though & at times I'd need her to move just to reassure me. He did the same thing the other night, he aggravated her to get her to kick him. They say too that they move less later in pregnancy because they're squished. Um, no one told baby girl! She moves throughout the day. She use to be super active at night & sometimes still is but I feel her more during the day when I'm doing stuff than at night. I was always told that walking around put babies to sleep because they're essentially rocked. Nah, that's time to say Hello. Or maybe she's saying Good Night. Anywho!

Ticker Time: The one on her says: 18 1/2 inches, 5 1/2 lbs, & still trying to wiggle. Lungs are almost fully developed. Alright, definitely a wiggler but I can't believe the other 2 things! So, let's see what ticker 2 says: Over 5 lbs & 18 inches long. Kidneys are fully developed & the liver is finishing up. This one would be more accurate for my small flower. Still, I can't believe she's 5 lbs. I can't imagine a 5 lb baby in there. Not happening, just not happening! We won't know her TRUE weight until she's here but in 12 days I will get an estimate of how big she is. My last scheduled ultrasound! Scary but will also mean ONE MONTH til DD. :)

I've been so paranoid lately that something is going to go wrong. We are SO close to the finish line and my biggest fear is to have all this ripped away from me & us. I fear we'll find out she's not growing as strongly anymore, I fear I'll have to deliver soon because of complications, & I fear we won't be holding her in our arms. I honestly can't see myself holding OUR child. I've held countless babies, wishing they were my own, but I can't imagine actually holding our own child. That is & will be so surreal. And I know I've used that term a million times this pregnancy. Sorry, it's still surreal & I'm still in denial that it's truly happening. This could all be a horrible long season of 'Dallas' where it was ALL JUST A DREAM! Ok, it's not. It's real. I just fear something will go wrong & I know the fact it's winding down is putting it more in my face. Enough of debbie downer or paranoid polly! :)

Names: Yeah, we're getting there. Except we don't talk about it. I've discussed this with friends, that actually giving her a name is scary to me. The whole fact of fearing she'll be ripped away. That giving this child a name will jinx us. Stupid I know but it's how I feel. Don't give her a name & you're not attached, it wouldn't be as hard to lose her. Completely not true, I know this, but ugh, whatever! I'm weird & psycho. We're down to 2 names. My husband doesn't know this but I do. His pick & my pick essentially. I know an old high school friend named her daughter one of the names & I have this really weird thing about naming a baby the same as people around me. Well, this friend not only spelled the name the way we will if we choose the name but also spells the nickname the exact same way. I only like the spelling this way & Mike is VERY particular on how this nickname is suppose to be spelled. Grrr! I don't want to name her the exact same name & spelling as someone else. Her name has to be HER name! The other name I know Mike likes but he doesn't like my spelling. *shaking head* I may be willing to slightly, barely, alter my spelling but certain parts are set. Haha! I know I'm making this way harder than it has to be. It's just a name but it's also HER name, I want it to be just right. Definitely making it way harder than it has to be. I'm hoping by the end of the weekend she'll have a name. Or we'll at least discuss it. :)

And that's about it folks. I am 34 weeks & we have 6 weeks til my DD. Yay!