Scared

I am so scared of losing this baby. Yesterday we decided to tell everyone and I don't know if it upped the scare factor because now everyone knows or what but I just felt different yesterday. Something felt off, not in a good way. I didn't sleep worth crap & it's because I am scared to death we'll find out we don't have a live baby. I've heard of people going in & finding out the baby was no longer viable. I'm nearly 10 weeks (9wks6days) and I haven't seen an ultrasound or heard a heartbeat. If I was in CA I'd ask Amanda if I could use her heart beat monitor but I'm not. I've been scared since we found out but like I said, I don't know if telling everyone upped it or what did but now I'm ultra scared. Am I nauseous this morning because of the baby or because of nerves? I am nervous as BLEEP! My nausea & morning sickness is getting better. I still have it but it's not really that bad. Only if I overeat (which is quite easy now, I'm surprised at how little I can eat) do I normally get nauseous. Or if I'm cold or drink too much water.
"Having really strong morning sickness is a great sign"
But mine isn't super strong. I'm kinda thankful it's not super strong, I'd hate to live in the bathroom all day & night but then I'd know, hey baby is really really there. I know it's paranoia or at least I hope. I know every girl fears losing her baby and I know every week closer to 13 means a greater chance everything will be ok. I'm nearly there, only 3 more week! Maybe at my first appt I can ask to hear the heartbeat to reassure me. Too bad that's 10 days away still. Man oh man!