"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."

Sunday, March 4, 2012

17 weeks!

Baby C should be measuring about 4.5 to 5 inches CRL or the size of an onion! That's awesome! Baby C should weigh about 3.5 ounces! :)

This last week hasn't been too bad. I did my 16 wk update on Tuesday/Wednesday so you know what has happened those days. Doctor's appt. The no energy was better this last week, thank goodness. My husband doesn't understand how I can be so exhausted after doing nothing. He doesn't understand you're not normal when pregnant, you're so many things at different times. Walking Zombie, Highly Irritable, Irrational, Bitchy, Plotting a beat down. Talking to friends helps, get out that steam. If people didn't know me & just heard me lately they'd think I completely hated my husband & they'd wonder why I was with him. Then again, probably anyone not pregnant currently & hearing me might think the same thing. My husband has been driving me crazy. Ok, I said it! We also have good times & happy times. Today we're heading to Tucson & I'm hoping we can get in some Baby or Maternity Shopping. Ok mostly I want bras that fit. I doubt I'll find new clothes that fit any better than my current ones but who knows. Not easy big girl maternity shopping. Anywho, I'll insist on some ME shopping if I have the energy to do so. Darn unpredictable energy levels. :)

It's weird but I've kinda gone back to being in denial about being pregnant. I don't feel pregnant & saying I'm pregnant seems like a cruel joke, like fantasy. Who am I trying to pretend I'm pregnant, that our dreams are coming true? It freaks me out for it not to feel real again. There was a time when it felt real & amazing. Maybe it's just a defensive mechanicism. I've always been able to picture myself pregnant & with a child. I can't now. I can't picture myself hugely pregnant. It scares me that I can't picture it. Maybe I'm just freaked out currently. It'll get real again, especially on Thursday. I am SO ready to look pregnant, to feel the baby move, to see the baby move. I'm so ready for the next step. I don't want to rush the pregnancy but I'm just ready to FEEL it! :)

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