35.5 weeks

Having a high risk pregnancy isn't ideal but this high risk one is not bad at all. As of Tuesday I still am not showing signs of preeclampsia & I hope I'm able to avoid it the whole pregnancy. I thought if you've had it your first pregnancy, you have it all of them. I'm pretty sure by now with Katie I was showing signs, having protein in my urine. This pregnancy, though with me WAY bigger than last time, seems to be a healthier one. I am still down 20 lbs which is nice. I'm hoping to stay at this loss. 4 weeks to go basically, as long as nothing happens. I had some huge scary bruises that I thought meant I had a blood clotting problem but nope, just "pissed off capillaries" as the doctor said. Bubba (still working on nickname but Bubba was Mike's nickname. Unfortunately mike's sister decided her son was going to be bubba too, though I don't know how long she called him that or if she still does. I think it's special as it was Mike's nickname but we'll see if we use it) was 5lbs 2oz on Tuesday(35wks). Projected to be 7lbs at 40 weeks. When I was told he would be 6-6.5 lbs at 40 weeks & had been told I wouldn't be allowed to go past 39 weeks I bought a lot of nb clothes from a wife here. Now he may end up not being in them long, if he's a quick grower unlike his sister. We'll see. I asked on Tuesday about delivery because I've been told from the beginning my cut off was 39 weeks, I wouldn't be allowed to go past 39. And a month ago my doctor laughed at my question of "will I make it to 40 wks?" & told me he just hoped I made it to 36-37 weeks. He's a good doctor but not very consistent with his opinions on my delivery. So, I asked Tuesday about being delivered at 39 weeks & this is what I got. "I don't know what I told you but what I MEANT was if you want a Csection(which I have non-stop been adamant I DO NOT WANT if possible) then it would be scheduled between 39 & 40 weeks. I would SUGGEST you not go past 40 weeks but ultimately it is your decision." Wait, what?! 40 weeks? I was LAUGHED at when I asked whether I'd even make it to 40 weeks, now I can choose (if nothing goes wrong) to go past my 40 wks, in hopes he comes himself. So, I freaked out, wondering what to do. I know I have a few weeks but a million thoughts went through my mind. My mom comes at 38 weeks, I picked that time thinking I was being delivered at 39 weeks. Luckily my friend is a voice of reason & had a smart solution, which basically is what the doctor probably would pick for me. Schedule my delivery for between 39 & 40 weeks, closer to 40 if possible. The point is to avoid an emergency csection, that a planned is safer & an easier recovery. I am scared to death of another Csection but what ever needs to happen to delivery a healthy baby is what I want. I just want him healthy! And it seems he'll be bigger than his sister, which yay! Every day past 37.5 weeks is good, it's farther than I got with Katie. I hope he comes on his own, I hope I get to experience a vaginal delivery, but we'll see. My mom thinks I'll go into labor myself, I don't. Anyways! Mr. decided to turn the other night, I think he's breach, which may throw a wrench in my delivery plan. Feeling a baby turn in your belly is the craziest, most uncomfortable, experience. I hope he turns back, if he did in fact breach himself. I tell my friend he turned & she tells me "when Bubs turned I packed my bag". That got my mind freaking out. Bag packed? What?! I have no bag packed & hadn't planned to yet. I realized how unready I was. So, thanks friend, for kicking my prepping into gear. I mean I had the swing together & washed, I have clothes washed, I have carseat open, the pack n play (his bed) put up in our room. Pacifiers were not washed, no bag packed, toys not washed, pump not washed/sanitized, but all that got done today. I plan to install his seat in the van just to get the proper angle for the base. I won't keep the seat in there I don't think but as long as the base is ready for quick install I will be happy. I plan to get a new boppy cover, because I don't think any I already have. I want a soft one for him & I found a minky one I want. Little things, trivial things, but important to me.

Well, I guess that's all. My long novel of recent events & thoughts. I can't believe our little boy will be here in about 4 weeks. 4 weeks! My mom will be here in 2.5 weeks! Tell me this isn't all happening. And wish for my sanity having my mom here so long. She might drive me crazy before the kid even gets here.

Pictures

I guess I should update pictures. These are some of the spring photos I did of Katie on Apr 1st.

She LOVED the horses & this one was SO friendly.

 

 

Both outfits were made by Mike's mom, Nini.

34 weeks almost

I am almost 34 weeks (in 2 days) & this is my last full month pregnant. In fact, I probably have about a month left being pregnant. I am shooting for 38 weeks, which would be June 2nd. I asked my doctor if he thought I'd make it to 40 weeks, knowing most likely not. I knew he planned to schedule a Csection if I made it to 39 weeks because of my previous complications. What he laughed & told me "we're pushing for 36-37 weeks" and I was so shocked I didn't ask why he said these numbers. All I could say was "I HOPE I make it past 37 weeks, I'm not trying to have this baby at 36 weeks." I should've asked why, why he picked these ridiculous numbers. I know I had Katie at 37.5 weeks but I also was developing pre-eclampsia for weeks. I was borderline for a long time. As far as I remember I never got bad pre-eclampsia, I just got fed up with being in the hospital and threatened to leave. Doctor gave in. Obviously he was concerned enough, my numbers were high enough, to keep me close (aka hospital jail) but he admitted my numbers were staying consistent while I was there. Anyways, baby boy seems to be smaller than his sister, even though I seem to be having a healthier (aside from weight) pregnancy. I'm still at 20 lbs lost (or so I was about a week ago, I haven't weighed myself since then). He was estimated to be 4 lbs 4 oz on Tuesday (33wks) & estimated to be up to be 6 lbs 12oz at 40 weeks. YIKES!!! Katie was estimated to be 6lbs at 36 weeks & that seemed to be a way more thorough ultrasound at the hospital. She came out at 5lbs 12oz at 37.5 weeks. So I am very concerned about his size! Really concerned & why I want him in as long as possible. 36 weeks, this doctor is crazy! Though he seems to be a good doctor & on Wednesday I can finally ask what his thinking is, why he threw out those numbers and his thinking. My husband is still thinking this all won't happen until his DD. I just need a good idea so I can have my mom out here. It's a little different when you have a kid at home to take care of, can't just end up being on hospital bedrest for a week plus. ANYWAYS! I am 34 weeks nearly & it's crazy to think in a month(or so) I will be a mother of 2 children. I will have my daughter & son, our family complete. CRAZY!

Katie is still being her normal bubbly, energetic, attitudey self. She seems to have grown personality & age wise. My baby girl isn't so baby anymore. She's a kid. No more toddler, no more my little girl. She's becoming a big girl. My itty bitty sized big girl. That Is Crazy!!! She's still not growing height or weight wise, this darn kid. I won't be ready when she does though, I'm so use to her being petite. One day she'll shoot up & I'll be standing there with my mouth open. :(


Last thought, I'm pretty sure our son is named. The name I fought internally, the name that just didn't fit, seems to fit. We were walking up to bed one night & my mind was going everywhere but I thought of our son & bam, that name popped up as his. It wasn't "a" or "b". It WAS B, that was his name. NO! Name A is so much cuter! I like A so much! But B, b seems to be it. I'm scared to tell people because what if I change my mind. I know people who had the same name picked up, told EVERYONE what the kid's name was & bam, kid pops out named something else. Something COMPLETELY else. First & middle name changed. His(baby boy) middle name is set, it'll be the family middle name, though I wish, I truly wish I could use my dad's name. It would mean a lot to him if I used Thomas & it's a good strong name. I love my dad, he's so special to me. Anyways, baby boy's middle name will be the family middle name. It's special too, it's passed down from dad & granddad. And now, pretty sure his first name is picked too. Really weird, really really weird for him to have a name, even if I'm the only one who knows it. Haha. Mike doesn't even know I've settled on it.

Well, that's is all. Guess I'll head back to bed. Good night & have a great week all!

Time is flying!

I never blog anymore & it's not because I don't want too. Half the time the crappy internet is out so that doesn't help. Then I have a nearly(in 3.5 months) 3 year old. I am 7 months along & man it's hard on my body. I get headaches all the time, backaches a lot, out of breath all the time, especially when walking up stairs. I HATE STAIRS! I still feel a disconnect from reality when it comes to this pregnancy & my life, most likely depression. I have started getting ready for baby, about time right! I have washed the odds & ends and his clothes (nb & 0-3 months). I have a great friend sending me some of her son's baby things & my mother in law will surely be bringing stuff when she comes in 3 weeks.

So, happenings. I'll just make bullet points about them.

• Katie is currently about 22 lbs(up to 22.4 with clothes) & 34 inches tall. Yup, still a very petite princess!
• Baby boy is still unnamed. I thought he was named, I tried to accept the name my husband picked(for the time being) but it just doesn't feel right. I still want him to be named the one I picked.
• Baby boy is small! His belly is measuring behind by about a week. Rest of him is on course or a little big. So, he'll have a small belly & long arms and legs.
• Because of this fact I have growth scans every 2 weeks now & bbp(checking blood flow) scans every week. I have OB appts every 2 weeks but have most of the pregnancy
• 2 weeks ago he was estimated to be 2 lbs 10 oz. This week he was 3lbs 11oz. Gained a pound(supposedly) in 2 weeks.
• Doctor guesses baby boy will only be 6-6.5 lbs at birth, small like his sister.
• The calcium or bright spot is still present in baby boy's abdomen, not sure what it'll mean but doctor doesn't seem too concerned. I guess why worry until you know for sure what it is. :(
• Good side: My BP is excellent & I do not have gestational diabetes. Oh, I've also lost 20-25 lbs. I am starting to gain though so... *sad face*

In 7-8 weeks we will be a family of 4 (or 5 if you include Hershey). That is crazy!

Mother

I am a mother & it still strikes me as odd. I look at my 2.5 yr old daughter & it doesn't seem fully real. I never thought that this would be my life, that I would actually have kids. I always wanted kids, always hoped I'd have them, begging, pleading, prayed for kids but after years of trying I gave up. So it's surreal to have this smart, attitudey, full of personality & spunk child. Then to also be 6 months pregnant with another. Wait, what?! I feel like a normal, fertile, person. We have a family, our lives revolve around our child(ren). It's just surreal, very surreal, that I actually have a child & soon children. I can't say I'm infertile really. This pregnancy has been odd. I know I had a hard time believing I was pregnant last time and I didn't really connect with it but I feel totally disconnected from this pregnancy. I see his carseat box, I go through his to-be clothes, & it's weird and mindless. It saddens me that I am not connected to this baby. Maybe it's depression, maybe it's just life is so busy & I don't have time to reveal at the fact I'm having another child. I know I'm scared to death of having another. I wonder if I'll be able to handle it, being a parent of 2. I know my husband is completely disconnected too. He seems to have no real interest in the baby. You still can't feel kicks on the outside so really what can he do. I guess I'm the one pregnant, the one who feels the movement & kicks, that one going to ultrasounds. If I feel disconnected then what should I expect from him? It becomes real to him when I give birth & maybe it'll become real to me then too. Maybe it'll just be natural going from one to two, I'm told it is. I just wish I was excited, which I am at times but not also at time. I still have 13 or so weeks, I know a lot will change in that time. Kicks will definitely be felt on the outside, I have another ultrasound in just over 2 weeks that Mike should be going too, maybe it'll all start feeling real and right.

Names.  Naming a child is horrible. I don't understand how people can name their child before they even know gender. That makes no sense. I picked the name Katelyn or Katherine when I was 18, I knew I wanted to name my daughter after my best friend at the time, also my sister, & of course my middle name. So, I knew I wanted Katherine Lyn Marie or Katelyn Marie. But when I got pregnant, it wasn't set in stone she'd be named Katelyn. Mike didn't like the name & we threw around names the whole time. I guess she always was going to be Katelyn but I couldn't name her before meeting her. Allison was a possibility at one point & Alexandra was the other contender at birth. So, I had Katie picked out for 10 years BUT it wasn't 100%, I would NOT say for sure, her name was Katelyn until I saw her. And it went like this: Husband, holding her, "She's Katelyn isn't she?". Me "Yup". Anyways, this kid. Ugh! I've had a name picked out since being pregnant with Katie. Mike suggested it & then of course hated it. Get pregnant this time, find out boy, & this name is still in my head as his possible name. I also have this WEIRD slight obsession with a J or N name. We currently are K, L, M last name. So, baby 2 would make us J, K, L, M or K, L, M, N. Am I completely set on a J or N name, No. I was before becoming pregnant but now I want Mike to be happy with his, baby's, name. So if a J or N name isn't sometime he likes then he doesn't. I will be a little sad if it doesn't end up being one of those letters. I think the alphabet thing is cute & special. Anyways, as I did with Katie, I love names one day & hate them the next. THE name, the name picked out 3 years ago, I have a love/hate relationship with. It feels like Katelyn did, like I know it's his name but at the same time, no way it's his name. So I move on to other names we've liked. Funny enough, only 1 name out of those 4 is NOT a J or N name. 5 possible names(which will probably change) & 2 are J and 2 are N names. What can I say, I like my J & N's. We don't even talk about names so we're not even getting closer to one. I would love to name him now or soon but at the same time I want to see him, hold him, to know whether it fits. Who am I kidding. How often do people change their picked out names at birth? You going through the pregnancy calling this baby that name, that child becomes that name by birth. So IF we settled on a name, baby would BE that name. I guess I'm just glad Mike came to his senses about Liam. I don't think I could've handled naming him Liam. And yeah yeah, Mike is suppose to be naming this baby since I named Katie. Ha ha ha. We all know I have finally say on baby's name, I'm the one who will be yelling it through the house. I'm the one who will be spending every second of every day with. But I do want him to be happy with the name so he does have a big say. It's just frustrating since he goes from liking names to passionately hating them days or weeks later. If he just kept liking a few names, it would all be easier. I would be happy if we could settle on 2 names. 3 names even. I think we're down to 4 names. The A name doesn't seem like a possibility, doesn't seem right. Sop, 2 J & 2 N names it is. I don't even know if Mike likes the second J name, I decided on it a few nights ago. Have I said how much I HATE trying to name a child! Why is it so hard for us, SERIOUSLY!!! At least we know his middle name, the family middle name. So, he's 2/3 named! Middle & Last! :)

Time Flies

Where is the time going? Lately I can't believe how big Katie seems. She seems to be changing every day & growing more and more, though not physically. I swear this girl refuses to grow any taller or gain any weight. She seems bigger so maybe she has grown, I'll have to measure her. Probably in a few weeks/months. I can't seem to get things done. I need to sell Katie's clothes but barely started. I got the baby towels/burps rags sold, that's it. I need to go through actual clothes & sell them. I went through the baby boy clothes I bought & separated them into sizes. I'm tempted to buy more boy clothes but am too lazy to actually meet people. This pregnancy leaves me in a constant exhausted state. I have no energy ever & I sleep like crap. Insomnia is horrible this pregnancy. Every night (or at least 98% of the time) I am awake for at least 2 hours in the middle of sleep. Sometimes I'm lucky & it's 3 hours of wide awake time before I get to sleep again. No wonder I can't get anything done. Ugh! Baby boy is active & is weighing in a 1 lb 9 oz as of Tuesday, right on track for 25 weeks. His femur was measuring at 27 weeks so I'm hoping he'll be tall like his daddy. It still seems so crazy that in 3 months or so we'll have 2 children, a daughter & a son. We struggled for so many years & I seriously thought we'd never have kids. I didn't think that dream would come true for us. Then we got lucky with Katie & while I hoped for another I didn't actually think it'd happen. Now I'm scared to death it's actually happening. I am terrified to have 2 kids. I am overwhelmed with 1, how will I handle 2? How will I have any energy for Katie when I know the baby will drain me mentally & physically? I'm scared, honestly scared, for June to come but excited. Can I also say I'm horrified for July to come & to have a 3 yr old?! NO! Baby girl stop growing! She can't be 3, I miss my tiny, itty bitty, baby girl. I think "oh you'll get baby time again, you're having another" but it doesn't feel the same. I miss my little baby girl, my sweet petite princess. I have a feeling I'll have a chunky monkey prince or at least normal sized newborn boy. He better not grow too fast. I have over 500 size 1 diapers & over 200 newborn diapers. I also have 60 preemie in case, Katie was in preemies for a few weeks. Yeah, I have 867 diapers bought already.... I know one thing for sure, he'll be diapered & he'll be clothed until at least 3-6 months. :) So I miss my tiny newly born baby girl but man to watch her grow & learn, it's amazing. She can count to 12! I'm working on counting fingers & items, food bribing is a big one. Tell how many "X"s there are & you can have one. Yup, yup! Ain't no shame if she's learning! :) She loves the snow & the cold. I hate it but this kid LOVES it! Good thing we just got another round of snow last night. She'll have a blast.

Well I'm sure I'm forgetting tons but I need to get back to bed. Good night/morning (it's 6:35am)!

An Interesting & Busy few weeks.

I last wrote a month ago & we did our big move 3 weeks ago. Man was it crazy. We spent the last week of January cleaning our butts off to get the house ready to give back to the rental company. We still have boxes every where but our place also looks lived in. I love the 4 bedrooms, it's so nice having a room just for Katie & a room just for baby boy. I've already started getting him clothes. I found an awesome lot for $25 & I tell you, he is completely prepared from 0 to 3 months. I might get a few more newborn items & definitely look for 6m-9m pieces but man, he has a lot of clothes already. I'll most likely have to sell or donate some of what I have since I know family will be buying for him too. Baby boy is SO active at times. He kicks all the time I tell ya. It's hard for them to get his heartbeat on Doppler but he starts kicking when they start so I know he's fine. They found a calcium spot on the ultrasound in his abdomen so we're hoping for the best. They said it could be nothing or it could be a hernia in his intestines which would need immediate surgery. Obviously I'm hoping for nothing. I'll get ultrasound every month to check on it. The ultrasound kills my body. My back & hips, I usually end up hurting for a few days afterwards because the ultrasounds take about 45 mins. Ouch! But he's growing like he should & like I said, he's a kicker.

Katie seems to be changing too. She's got attitude, goodness. She's still only 33 inches(I believe it was 33) & she's still RFing but I might change that. I like her being behind my seat in the van but it's not really "proper" because the front seat is touching her carseat. I just can't buckle myself in without it back. I have trouble where it is, I need it more back if possible but can't because of her seat. I am ready to FF her but I'm not. She's still small & I wanted to RF til she was 3 at least. I know she's 2 1/2 now but I'm very scared to move her FF. I'm scared of the what ifs. What if we crash, it's not as safe. She'd be safer RFing! Dilemmas, dilemmas. :( Anyways, I think Katie's vocabulary is expanding. She talks so much, even if sometimes you have no idea what she's saying. She gets frustrated when you don't understand her. She is obsessed with helicopters(hopcopters) & clocks. Those are the 2 huges ones. We hear & see helicopters all the darn time now living on post & she SCREAMS every time. "Mom, Dad, Hopcopters!!! LOOK!!! LOOK!! See it?!?!" She goes crazy. She also points clocks out everywhere, even on TV. Any type of clock is like a magnet for her eyes, she'll see the smallest or fartherest away clocks I swear. Yes, Yes, It's a clock kid. I finally put the batteries in her clock in her playroom. She was so excited. I finally found an awesome invention called Dapper Snappers which let me put age sized clothes on my kid. She had been rocking high waters for months & they just got worse & worse. She was getting taller but not any rounder. So now I can put 2T clothes on her with these bands/belts. YAY!!!

So, we have a 2 1/2 year old little girl & I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant with our little boy. It's weird to think in 3.5-4 months we'll have a baby boy & 6-8 weeks later we'll have a 3 year old little(but big) girl. I hope munchkin #2 is normal size but at the same time I'd love a petite one like his sister. I think/hope he'll be a normal sized & growing little boy. He may be small at birth(I do think he'll have to come early for medical reasons) but I hope he grows a little faster than Katie did. I hope he'll be tall like his dad,

Oh my gosh, by the way, this pregnancy sort of sucks. Haha. With Katie I have luscious hair & nails, barely any symptoms of pregnancy. This one, pst. My nails are so brittle, my hair is so dry & broken, & my skin is so sensitive, our water makes me break out in a rash every time I shower. I'm not even exaggerating, I'm like allergic to this water! I had nausea/morning sickness at 20 weeks & I get heartburn so easy. I was eating cheddar & bbq snack mix and felt the burn starting. It didn't get to full blown heartburn but it wanted too. From crackers!!! He's lucky he's a kicker & it's so cool to feel. I'm sure him being a kicker will be a pain in the butt later, when he gets bigger and more powerful. Hahaha. Good thing it's my second/last pregnancy. :)